Let's be real and honest- some days aren't a walk in the park. In fact, they're more like you entered that scene in Jurassic Park, you know, the one where you stumble into the raptor lair and nobody stays calm. Yeah, some days are like that.
Parenting can be truly beautiful and filled with those "awe" moments that melt your heart. From the day you meet your sprout and beyond, there are many moments that will have you in the wonderous bubble of parenthood. Not to pop that bubble, but some moments are not awe, wonder, and amazement. They're sheer survival, outlast, and a lot of overwhelming chaos. There I said it, and I'm not taking it back! We can't all pretend parenting is an easy walk in the park day in and day out that social media has curated us to believe. We are setting parents up to feel shame and guilt when we only portray the good. It's time we acknowledge that it's okay to be honest, to open up, and to speak truth that some days are HARD!
Full stop, we live in a world where you are no longer allowed to mention that things are hard. Most times you get met with the response, "Well you asked for this" or "Back in my day......." and it doesn't help. In fact, if you're like me, it might actually make you angry. When did it not become okay to admit we're struggling and need help or that we had a hard day. It doesn't mean we aren't grateful for our family and this life we live- rather simply, it just means we need an ear to listen and to acknowledge the struggle we felt.
Today I want to talk about those days, we've all had at least one. The kind of day that you wake up with the best of intentions and nothing goes right. In fact, left was the only direction of the day. If you're lucky enough to never have experienced one of these days, I'm jealous and I hope it continues for you. For those of you who've felt this struggle- I see you, I am you, and we're going to talk about some ways to help.
First off, the best thing I've come to realize is that when my family and I have these days, I LOWER my expectations for the day. The house might not get tidied. The laundry won't all be washed, folded, and put away. We might not leave the house for fun activities. There might be more moments of frustration than fun.... and you know what? That's hard, but it's okay. You will all survive the day- maybe not thrive, but survive. Some days that is good enough. You're mental health and your family's mental health matters. So don't strive for perfection these days, that will only add to the chaos, guilt, and frustration.
Secondly, learn to take the minute for yourself. Go to the bathroom, an area of your home no one else is at, or step outside (if safe to do) for one minute. Set a timer. Breathe. Just focus on 3 things you can see, 3 things you can touch, 3 things you can smell, and just breathe. Big, huge, belly breaths in and long forceful exhales out. Let it all out. If you can sneak in an extra minute, breathe for an extra few moments, regulate your own nervous system before stepping back out into chaos. I've found that sometimes even when it seems terrible, it's actually just overwhelm and pent up emotions. When I take the moment to breathe and regulate my nervous system it sometimes calms everyone else (sometimes not) a smidge. But for real, that moment has the power to give you the strength to face the remainder of the day head on.
Thirdly, the best reset is sometimes free and right in your own home or yard. There's an old wives tale that when kids need a reset- put them outside or in water- and you know what? 10/10 times it works. Get outside with your kids, let them play, let them sit on the ground, go for a walk, anything, just get outside- even for just 5-10 minutes. If the weather doesn't allow you to get outside, put them in water! Run a bath, throw in some toys, glowsticks, or pom-poms to make it different. Be okay that they'll splash and your bathroom floor will look like a small pond. It's just water, but their giggles will make you smile.
If none of the above seems fitting, or just doesn't work to help bring some calm to the chaos, just know tomorrow is a new day. If you're out of the house already, go get yourself a coffee or a tea, take the kids through the carwash and let them look out the windows while you sip your drink. When you tuck them into bed, don't rush it (even though you'll want to). Make sure you connect with them. Be honest with them that today wasn't the easiest day but that you're love doesn't change even when the days or behaviors are challenging. Give them an extra tight hug, look at their small hand in yours, and kiss their forehead. Tell them I love you. Take 15 minutes to tidy and prep the most important things for tomorrow and leave the rest for the following day. Go take a hot shower, warm bubble bath, or just tuck yourself into bed. Everything is less daunting after a good night's sleep.
Love them, love yourself and try again tomorrow.
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